It's like I need to know I'm in control of every situation. That, no matter what happens I'll be okay. But I get in this awful defense mode where I say very mean things that I can't take back.. I hate it. But I don't know what to do. I don't want to stop because.... if I didn't have my words I would have nothing to protect myself. But at the same time I wish these words wouldn't be so permanent. I suppose they're not... but... it seems like they are.
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