07/14/2018 4:17 pm

I'm sitting at my desk near a beautiful window on the second story of a house I moved into last month in Rochester Hills, MI. I'm here, because it is my boyfriends house. His mom from Costa Rica, his three children, him and I have been here for the summer. All of us are here year round, besides his mom.

I'm having trouble with some things.

I'm 22 and he's 34.

This in theory shouldn't be a problem right?

Usually it isn't.

But today he did say to me "I've never been with a woman who didn't have a handle on the kitchen."

This makes me so sad.

It stems from my childhood. I was an only child... who was never forced to eat anything she didn't want, who could throw anything she wanted away and who was served however/whatever she wanted whenever she wanted it. It sounds selfish right?
I never fully understood how selfish being an only child could make you.

I've never lived with anyone besides my parents or one bf at the time.

So, it is challenging for me to eat with them.
It sounds silly.
It is silly.
But it also isn't silly at all.

It feels like every time I've made a meal someone doesn't like it.
I asked his Dad for help and his Dad laughed at me and told me that I should be able to figure it out.

But I was never taught anything in the kitchen.
The only thing my mother ever taught me in the kitchen was how to scrub my Dads wheelchair marks off of the floor.
And I swear to god that is the truth.

My grandma taught me how to make a strawberry pie once.
A nurse taught me how to make pork chops with shake and bake.
An ex-boyfriend taught me his grandmothers trick to adding milk in scrambled eggs.
I tried Blue Apron on my own... and that was fun. But used expensive/rare ingredients not very practical for 5.

I honestly feel fucking low.

I made pancakes for his kids this week for breakfast once that would last a couple days.
I mean they have cereal and stuff..
But yesterday he got up before going to work and made breakfast for everyone. His mom clearly saw I was not cooking and said "Oh, Veronica. You're making breakfast?"
"Ha, no" I replied.
She exited the room.
I knew what she meant and I knew what they were all thinking.
I got the hint.
It was Friday.

Today is Saturday, and as we woke up from going to see a Yellow Submarine midnight premier the night previous he mentions that his mother was maybe upset with me for not getting up last week to make breakfast.
I said quickly "Yes, I did?"
He corrected himself, "You didn't make me breakfast."
I didn't answer, but thought to myself there just hadn't been a good day last week. We argued a couple mornings, I wasn't woken up, I had work/school, my final exam was Thursday. There's all of these factors. But it really made me feel bad.
The next words out of his mouth were to his oldest daughter "Hey, xxxxx, can you make me an egg?"
I said after there conversation was over to her "Don't worry about making your dad an egg I will handle breakfast."
When I went downstairs she refused to let me prepare the eggs. She said ultimately that she doesn't like how I add milk to them and wanted to add tortillas and all this other seasoning i'm not too fond of.
I really couldn't help but to come upstairs and cry.
Because I just wanted to try - and the other daughter has also told me that she didn't like that either.
They all told their father they didn't like the pancakes I made.
and it just makes me so upset at my mother and my father. For never teaching me anything.
This is my daily life. And I can't even get a handle on fucking breakfast.
You know why?
Because I had fucking bread with melted cheese on it for breakfast every day.
And I might have asked for it - but I didn't fucking know any better.
And SHAME every adult in my life that allowed this to happen to me.
Because now I'm in a beautiful, beautiful situation. And it's going to be ruined because I can't do anything in a kitchen.
I feel pathetic.
Sometimes people talk to me like I'm a child when they are teaching me the basics, and it makes me feel like a child.
It makes me feel less than a child when children would rather prepare the meal than allow me too also.
I have to figure something out.
If anyone reads this and has suggestions please comment below.
Thanks.